Love at first sight

The existence of love at first sight has been a topic of debate for centuries.

Western literature and poetry (as well as Hallmark commercials) have definitely helped popularize the notion. Countless movies feature it (Big Fish, when Edward first sees Sandra and time stands still), and with many of the stories assuming the couple lives happily ever after, it makes it a really nice idea for people to believe.

There are many people who don't like the idea of love at first sight (as well as the idea of soul mates). They believe that you can only love someone after deep emotional intimacy is achieved, which usually involves lots of time spent getting to know each other and building the relationship.

So, is there really love at first sight?

Yes.

It's real and I'll tell you how I know: I've had it happen to me...twice.

The only way I can explain the first time it happened is with sappy romantic cleches, but it's the best I can do

I was at freshman orientation for college and I was in line at the cafeteria for lunch. I was alone in a new place, and was questioning my college choice. I just wanted to go home. Then this girl next to me said, "I think I'm just going to hang out with you."

I was speechless. This beautiful girl, who was glowing like Lacey Chabert in Not Another Teen Movie, was talking to me. I thought I was getting pranked. Nevertheless, this irrational feeling that she was special took over me. She claimed that we had dabbled in brief small talk just a few minutes before, but I have no recollection of that.

As I got to know her during the year, she was definitely worth a love at first sight scene. We got along very well. She was the typical perfect girl: smart, funny, cute. The kind of girl that makes your heart skip every time you get a text message because it might be her. I definitely was in love with her, even though I eventually told her how I felt and she didn't feel the same way about me.

The other time it happened to me was more bizarre.

It was a girl that I have known since I was little. Our parents had been friends since before they had most of their children. We had been close family friends, but it had probably been 10 years since I had seen this girl in person.

I knew she was very pretty, I had seen her on facebook. I went to her graduation party, mingled with a few old friends, and then I saw her walk through the kitchen.

Once again, I was in shock. No filter/glow effect, but she was still amazing to me. The strange part was that right when I saw her I thought, I'm going to marry her. How messed up is that? I hadn't even talked to her since I was under five feet tall. How could I even think that?

I was so nervous that I waited about 45 minutes until I finally talked to her. I introduced myself because I didn't know if she'd even recognize me. She did. Wee hugged and talked for just a minute before we were interrupted. But I was in la-la land the whole time. Once again, I barely know anything about her, and vice versa.

Still, since then I haven't stopped thinking about this girl of which I have about 45 seconds of shared experience.

You might be thinking, Clay, you're just a hopeless romantic who's been too influenced by the media. You're only partially correct.

I think about girls a lot. Ever since I had my first crush in elementary school, I dreamed of getting married and starting a family. So it would make sense that I would see movies with two strangers falling in love and want my life to be like that.

The thing is that I'm constantly looking at the girls on campus (you know, because I'm a creep), and I think a lot of them are very good looking. I'm physically attracted to them. But love at first sight hasn't happened with any of them.

Another problem people have with love at first sight, is that their definition of love is different. Love is more of a commitment than a feeling to them, which I agree with. When you say you love your spouse, until death do you part, you are not just saying that you hope the lovey-dovey will last, but that you promise to care for each other and have each other's best interest at heart and never get divorced.

As well as people's different ideas of what love is, there are definitely different types of love. You love your family, friends and spouses all different ways, with each of those categories having different loves within them. This may explain why my two love at first sight experiences were different.

Finally, here's what I think.

For two people to be compatible enough to have a chance at a lifelong bond there has to be more than physical and emotional attraction. Something that separates friendship from something more. I have a few friends that I think are stunning, but I have no romantic interest in them whatsoever. This isn't to say that love at first sight has to happen, but there needs to be something more.

It's that extra, inexplicable and initial connection. Something that doesn't make any sense, which to some people, lessens its legitimacy. But a friend recently told me that the harder it is to explain, the more legitimate it is. I buy that.

To those who think that the idea of love at first sight is irrational, when is love ever rational?